Dear Future Self

un buon tiro
Originally uploaded by euzesio

A website has sent me my annual message to my future self asking how well I am getting along with quitting smoking.

Alright thank you.

Disappointed to hear yesterday an old friend had gone back on them after 7 years off.

I will be going to a party tonight that will take me back to the days when I used to work with him. The venue in Bethnal Green was a solid smokers paradise - it will be interesting to see how many of us have kept up smoking and how many have quit.

The website is www.43things.com idf you fancy making any kind of resolutions.

As my quit-o-meter crashed out of existence some time ago I am really hazy about how many years I have been off now. Is it three in April - surely its longer? I did a quick money-saved count the other day and was disappointed. I always managed to keep my smoking budget arountd the ten pound a week mark. If I had been smoking normal fags I would have saved a lot. What I have saved by not smoking roll-ups doesn't even cover this years council tax. Still not to be sniffed at/puffed at.

Plugging the benefits of giving up

Another advantage to packing in smoking is that the van's cigarette lighter is constantly free for its other role as general charging socket.

With the cold weather and another travel mug going leaky on us R couldn’t resist taking things to a whole new level and bought an electric travel mug. Not the one in the picture which you can also charge from a usb socket. I will buying that one.

My brain is also trying to recover from Avatar.

Firstly a bread and butter issue for this blog. Sigourney Weaver has a cigarette (and makes a big deal about it too) when she comes out of deep freeze. I thought stars were banned from doing that kind of thing nowadays. She only seemed to have one though. Maybe one too many as later in the film the Flourescent Disco Tree doesn’t allow her to body swap at a critical moment – perhaps punishment for self-pollution? Or is the smoking just a reference to one of the Alien movies?.

The second is a bit more offbeat. It’s strange but whenever I recollect scenes from it they appear much more like cartoons than the first time experience. The scene like the one where he first runs out into the exercise yard is recalled by me as something like a high quality take on the Flintstones rather than "so incredible you can hardly believe its not real". Something juddery. Is it my brain simply insisting on the unreality of it all?

Technorati Tags: avatar,smoking,travel mugs

Froth without Bites (hopefully)

Went to look at Daily 5 the beginning of last week. R had told me there was a cappuccino bar in Lakedale Road. I had been up there to find it without luck which is quite a hard thing to do given the limited amount of shops there. It was the very last outlet on the left when heading towards the hill. The shop was empty apart from a man preparing food behind the counter. He said they had been open three months which surprised me and I said how the need for a coffee bar was often mentioned round here. A few pastries were on display above the glass case containing the sandwich ingredients. Some mini Red Bull Energy Boost bottles were also on the counter - perhaps some assumption about the popularity of coffee was being made here? The interior was clean and bright with two sets of metal tables and chairs getting wet on the pavement outside.

I ordered a cappuccino which I took without sugar but with chocolate and a latticed pecan pastry. It came to the grand total of £1.50. "A special promotion" the man said. It was all "to go" and I stepped outside to take a photo. An unleashed and unattended Rottweiler was strolling up Lakedale Road like they do and it paused to sniff my coffee before strolling into the cafe. It's rear end can be seen disappearing inside in the first of my photos above.

I set off to the station wondering if the man was aware of his new customer. When I was a bit further away I started wondering if he was still alive.

The coffee was disappointing with only the mildest hint of coffee flavour - it almost took an act of concentration to notice it far beneath the watery surface. By the time I had got past the Post Office the froth had all but disappeared leaving just a thin film. I decided to do a compare and contrast with Caffe Nero's offering at London Bridge which was on my way. When I got there I was surprised to find how lacking in flavour that was too. I had unbalanced things a bit by asking for a dash of cinnamon as well as chocolate at CN so it wasn't a true like for like comparison. I had however avoided sugar to start with to match my Plumstead brew - though I did sugar it when I was half way through and by this stage the coffee flavour really seemed to be stronger than my initial tastings. The froth of the CN was miles ahead of of the Daily 5's effort. It looked like it would never deflate - the choc and cinnamon powders sat neatly on top of the foam and added to the filtering effect. The chocolate with the Daily 5 went practically unnoticed - it just adhered to the bottom of the lid. If you took the lid off all the chocolate would be on the lid with none on the foam. And another thing, the first thing I noticed with the London Bridge drink was that it was HOT. Was this because I didn't have a sleeve on the cup - or does CN's coffee machine kick out more steam?

The pecan thing from Daily 5 tasted like a sausage roll that had been hastily converted into a danish -a tang of animal fat struck my tastebuds with gusto. It was not too bad after the first few bites though and it filled a hole but was a rather stolid experience. Still the combined price wasn't to be sniffed at. Or woofed at. So I'll score it two out of five - after all it is trying to be something that some people are very keen on having. I certainly want to see more espresso machines in action round here and not necessarily manned by mass-produced baristas. On the other hand I am not in a mad rush to get back there for more.

It deserves a bit of support though and a second chance so I aim to test out their double espresso - there is no hiding with an espresso. That will have to taste of something. My half-empty-bottle mentality means I suspect it might bear more resemblance to the distilled essence of a Turkish wrestlers post-bout battle trunks than to the humble, vivacious and not-too-difficult-to-use coffee bean. Let's hope not.

coffee
plumstead
dangerous dogs

Nathan's Way....

...could have been the name for my new blog. Perhaps it should have been. I just couldn't afford the the fee for Susan Sarandon's image rights. It is called Plumstead Hi and is really just very short notes about Plumstead things. It is hoped to have more than one contributing editor. In the meantime it's mostly.....well have a look if the subject interests you.

Ridgeway development in Thamesmead

Have you ever been to Thamesmead? I have several times. Including the rather bizarre experience of watching a film under a flyover there on this very Friday evening. The event was part of a Design for London, Borough of Bexley and Borough of Greenwich redevelopment programme. The austere-as-they-can-be railings were garlanded with flowers and gold painted thrones were lined up on the pavement of Sewell Road as can be seen in the top picture.

The focus of the re-development is the Ridgeway. Basically its a sewer pipe running out of Sir Joseph Bazalgette's Crossness Pumping Station that has become a place of wild natural attractiveness. It has caught the eye of the above agencies and the evening was to introduce us to various ideas that are being floated.

Food made from fruits picked on the Ridgeway was given away along with a recipe book based on the same food. I enjoyed the horseradish and the damson compote.

A film had been specially produced with comments from some of the Thamesmead locals about the wonders of nature and all that kind of thing. Thamesmead locals are a kind of wonder of nature themselves although a disappointing number of them availed themselves of this pleasant freebie.

The film was a very broad brush affair - people did silly things on the Ridgeway. Yachts floated along the path - a questionnaire had been handed out and one of the questions had been what kind of new uses could be found for the Ridgeway. Sailing hadn't occurred to me - neither had "Ridge-ball" which is a game where people stand in a line along the path and rather lamely pass footballs along to each other. It was to get us thinking imaginatively about the future. Someone grasping at straws might have been more approriate. After all there isn't much you can do on what seems to be a narrow path atop a hump that has become a bit overgrown and flowery.

The film was projected against the supports for the Harrow Manor Way Flyover and cars and trucks would pass between the viewers and the screen - often with rather surprised-looking drivers taking in the rows of people in gold-painted chairs. Fun.

A slide show listed elsewhere in the underpass introduced various objectives and projects for improving the path and surrounding environment. It included a paddock for those Thamesmead folk who leave their horses grazing outside their tower blocks. The idea of little hideaways for children was greeted with a bit of scorn - a natural habitat for the not infrequent drug addicts of Thamesmead. Planting more edible plants was more welcome.

There were also two short films about the development of Thamesmead - a delightfully silly advert for the place where jolly old dears ran for buses full of vim and joie de vivre. Then there was a piece of socialist realism detailing the horrors of Life Before Thamesmead. It involved very bad wallpapering and outside toilets apparently. Thank God for the outright alienation of the concrete jungle.

I look forward to seeing how this all pans out and am pleased something is happening. I said I would litter-pick if such a thing ever got organised. R is very positive and thinks it's the beginning of something big.

The older films reminded us that big things have happened here before. Let's hope its more like Crossness in its durability than Thamesmead in all it's ......well.

crossness thamesmead plumstead ridgeway bexley greenwich

Pottering About

Its Bank Holiday Time at last and there are plenty of things to postpone doing.

R is downstairs re-building the house as usual and I am trying to resist the urge to itch (and to help out).

A few weeks ago I went to visit the doctor. It was all a bit of a deja vue experience. I had being having very bad scratch attacks - a few years ago I made a succession of visits to doctors that culminated in one of them getting concerned about my liver and all that that involved.

I didn't hold out much hope of getting anywhere new with this visit. The Doctor immediately started saying it was eczema and suggested a whole bunch of unguents and creams that I had used before. I raised my concerns saying I had done all this before but she managed to convince me to give it another go.


So, for what seemed a vast cost I acquired the various gunks (one prescription per item-is that new?) then went home and have really enjoyed oiling myself up, with aqueous cream and the like, three times a day.

And do you know what ? - the scratch attacks didn't make their usual daily and nightly visits. (Sorry for the gory detail but I would frequently end up with bleeding shins - the scratch marks are now fading).

Aqueous cream is made of Liquid Paraffin with a bit of White Soft Paraffin thrown on top and a speck of cetostearyl alcohol to give it a bit of zing. Of course I smell a bit "gasoliney" but there are worse things I suppose - I feel it's my duty to bring a bit of excitement to our office anyway. It is just as well I don't smoke - I could easily go up in flames coated in this stuff.

I was also pointed in the direction of T-gel shampoo by the doctor. This has a new fragrance - what on earth was the original fragrance like as this smells very very medecinal (old school unsugared medecinal). This guy's review (scroll down the page) pretty much says it all. Or this gentleman's product review entitled -"T-Gel - Smell Like A Boy From The Blackstuff".

The attacks haven't completely gone away but my oiled up skin can cope with any scratching a bit better. So well done Doctor for urging me to go ignore my reservations and give it another try. As well as the relief of physical symptoms I also feel a bit happier thinking it's just my childhood eczema returning to annoy me. I had been anxious that this was a symptom of my damaged liver not doing its job properly and that it would be chronic and unrelievable. So for the time being ...PHEW!

Thanks to PayImaginaire at Flickr for the photo

eczema cirrhosis liver health skin

Taking the chocolate biscuit

Chocolate and Cigarettes
Originally uploaded by Strangelove 1981

Chocolate is in the firing line now that smoking has been pretty much banned and alcohol is on the same road. Some doctors thought it would be a good idea to slap some tax on the sweet brown stuff.

A smug Health Secretary insisted they wouldn't be putting those proposals in the next manifesto.
The oh so trustworthy manifesto....

What is to come I wonder - continual footage of younsters blubbing out in provincial town centres on Saturday night their faces all gunged up with Mars bar residue? Scary dentistry statistics and the "Cost to the NHS"? Vast signs declaring "It is illegal to sell chocolate to anyone over 10 stone in weight" will stare out from the newsagent's windows - provided they can find any room what with all the other imposing signs the government has already forced them to display.

I need a fag.


smoking chocolate ban scotland health obesity<

Enthusiasm, Despondency, Arrogance, Lust, Exhilaration, Tax

Well all you buzzing young things - I know you're desperate to contribute. And now's your chance with HM Revenue and Customs' something-or-other portal that helps you shape your future relationship with the taxman.

Don't forget to save it to delicious, join the Facebook group, tweet like crazy and jump off that tall building.

Here it is - I'm sure you little groovers will agree that was well worth the wait.

Thanks to Symic at Flickr for the picture

tax young persons social contribution patronising bastards hmrc

Icing on the cake

I was very glad to be in attendance at the Wedding of the (former) Miss MB. She had come along to this blog's Readers Meeting back in the distant past (pictured on the left).


She's an ardent supporter of West Ham and her delightful husband Bobby is Chelsea through and through. (He's not the shiny chap in the main picture - he's a self effacing man and might not want his picture posted up).

Given the fierce rivalries between these two sets of supporters they are lucky to have the (former) Miss MB's calm and reasonable Irish temperament to smooth over any disagreements.


I wish them both joy, happiness and a good local hospital.

irish wedding "west+ham" chelsea

To bloggin'

Setting off this morning on the icey streets of Plumstead I found myself in a sidestreet several yards behind another pedestrian. He was carefully making his way along the pavement – he was also puffing occasionally on a skunk-based cigarette.

I have braved the “worst snow in 18 years” over the last few days (hence my pretty picture of St John's Waterloo above). A surfeit of the Blitz Spirit seemed to compel me to go to work on the day when it really hit London Transport Services -Monday 02 February 2009. It was a rare opportunity to visit Central London in one of its deserted days (cue silly video). R and I were also able to check out the new DLR station at Woolwich Arsenal. We cycled there as there were no buses. It offered some specatular views with snow still falling heavily.

Now – smoking and snow. Is it ever a successful combination? I really can't remember much more than a great risk of cigarettes getting extinguished. Unlike with rain people tend not to use umbrellas in the snow and so there is less protection for your little friend.

It wasn't actually snowing today though – but I seem to remember keeping your balance took precedence over enjoying a hit. It did go well with the inevitable wait for the delayed train however.

The lack of snowfall probably decided it for my fellow pedestrian as he weighed up his options before leaving the house this morning. Should he or should he not assist the problematic journey with a semi-hallucinogenic drug or should he try it sober? I know which way the decision went.

If he slips over in a quiet backstreet I hope he remembers to get back up.

smoking skunk plumstead snow london cigarette 02/02/09

Bad Time to Quit?

21photo
Originally uploaded by wellohorld

Times are hard. Sacrifices are being made. Take my breakfast - Scambled Duck Eggs (Sainsbury Basics Range) with Blinys (Tesco Value Range) creamed cheese (Somerfield Essentials Range)and Smoked Salmon (ASDA Scrapings Range). No caviar whatsoever. Oh well. Che sera.

One sure fire way to cut down on your little food treats is to cut down on all food. And one way to achieve that is to take up smoking. If you really need to suppress your appetite you might as well get some minor drug thrill along the way.

So things must be particularly hard for anyone who decided to pack it in this New Year just gone. Not only is it the usual post-Christmas depression its possibly your actual 1930's Depression as well.

On the other hand with the kind of tax on tobacco goods you'll help with that backs-against-the-wall-postwar-austerity budget you're going need to survive. Alternatively you can take inspiration from the last depression and sign up as a pin-striped Mobster.

It surely can't be long to the appearance of the first, wholly tax free and wholly Patricia Hewitt - free, smoke-easies.

thanks to wellohorld of flickr for the pic.

obama smoking depression recession mob austerity gangster tobacco cigarettesare delightful

A completely un-Americanised authentically religious Christmas greeting to you all....

...and I mean that most sincerely. I really really do. Even though its a bit late.


The run-in to Christmas provided a little bit of local entertainment with a visit to the Comedy on the Common.

This is located in the Greenwich Rugby Football Club clubhouse on the Common near Plumstead Manor School.

It is a pretty comic venue all round.

R and I had the surreal pleasure of walking past it just before kick-off for the last Rugby (Union) World Cup. It was dark and we risked the dog mess and cut across the Common and past what seemed like an abandoned outhouse only to hear vast roars of excited voices coming from within. There are no obvious windows and no external lighting and the effect was pretty odd. It also has something of a tardis about it - you can't imagine getting many people inside it but you can as we joined fifty odd others in there for the comedy night.

The night was good - they had bottles of real ale behind the bar which dealt with worry number one. Worry number one is that clubhouses are the natural home of nasty old lager and keg bitters of the worst quality. The bad news was that they ran out towards the end of the evening so I unwisely resorted to a bootle of Koppaberg Perry.

The bill was advertised as four acts though it was actually two and a half, the half being the athletic compere Aj James. Dave Thomson kicked off and stripped off and Tony Law and his fantastic bizarre and hilarious imagination finished us off for the evening. Very funny- seek him out.

You can check out the acts (apparently- I haven't checked this) at www.comedycv.co.uk.

It started as a monthly event but its more like twice a month now. The evening is organised by someone called Nick and you can email for details at Comedyonthecommon@ntlworld.com. It's a bit of hike up the hill from Plumstead station but you can't complain for a "£10 including one drink" entrance price. And you certainly can't complain if you live in Plumstead as it makes an encouraging change to the normal entertainments in these parts.

Now that booze is off the agenda I am a bit uncertain if I'll be rushing to go again - "alternative" comedy certainly needs a bit of lubrication to work properly and I'm not sure if mineral water will quite hack it.



Thanks to k2d2vaca for Corn Crib and jaquian for Fire.

plumstead comedy greenwich rugby football club

Happy Holidays Everyone

Happy Holidays Everyone
Originally uploaded by MsBlueSky

Hi - sorry about the greeting but if I change it it might mess up the attribution for the image. This Christmas has been not only smoke free but alcohol free as we have decided to go dry. It wasn't too bad as it goes - its unlike giving up smoking where you run into temptation quite quickly. The ability to stay dry requires the passgae of time other wise it just becomes a holiday from drinking that is soon followed by business as usual. R is finding it quite a novelty. And I am finding R quite a novelty too.

Death comes to visit our house

Funeral Wreath Arrangement
Originally uploaded by aiaichristmas

The kitchen to be more exact. Underneath the unique "dishwasher-on-wheels" to be even more exact.

Yes Death snapped his jaws down on the snoozle of one of the visitors. Not nice for the mouse - not nice for us. But at least the paranoia about people playing bizarre mouse-related tricks on us has eased a bit.

Apparently the second set of traps weren't working because the mice are babies and therefore too light to set them off - at least that is what the mousetrap salesman told R when she went back to complain. Obviously the free chocolate fattened one of them up sufficiently to trigger the trap. It reacted quickly but not quickly enough so spend an undisclosed amount of time with its snout crushed and unable to move.

R originally stated that the mouse was lying beside the trap unattached in any way as if it had had a heart attack beside it by pure coincidence. Or had ate a dodgy crumb elsewhere and succumbed to a dreaded disease and deliberately crawled to the trap in pursuit of a swifter death and not quite made it.

It couldn't have been too long suffering as we have been checking them frequently and it certainly seemed dead when I put it in the recycle bin.

I wonder what it will be recycled into?

Another method and its associated problems is discussed here. (For internet historians I don't think this is a blog, look at the dates, it's just a standard webspace provided by an ISP).

Thanks to aiaichristmas at flickr for the picture Funeral Wreath Arrangement

A clean sweep

come on.. group hugs!
Originally uploaded by NeedMoreCoffeeMan

No wonder they're looking so pleased with themselves.

We got back and checked the traps tonight.

All of the Nutella was gratefully received by our local mouse community - it even looks like they've put the traps in the dishwasher after eating off them and then carefully put them back. No deado mice unfortunately

R thinks this means there are tens of thousands of mice in the house -"Think about it - three traps in three different places far apart in the house. It couldn't be a one man job. It must be a team effort."

She doesn't know mice like I do - their greed and cunning must never be underestimated.

I also suspect that the traps we bought aren't very good.

The only unmolested Nutella is in the humane trap - they're simply not daft enough to venture in there yet. But -look on the bright side-last night's binging might mean they've developed a taste for the brown stuff now and won't be able to resist.

Bring it on.

mouse

Guess who's back?

Mickey's Hooked!
Originally uploaded by Hardcore Shutterbug

Yes the pesky bastards are getting a bit cocky - a pale looking R reported to me at turning-in time last night that she had just seen two mice in the kitchen. They had run and hid behind the sink. They had then proceeded to mock her with their squeaking.

So the Nutella's been out tonight - the traps have been unpacked and primed with a professionalism that would make Jason Bourne blush and we're ready for action.

An all night vigil would be in order but its much more difficult without a steady supply of smokes as I found out trying to watch the US Election the other night. The deep monotony of BO's voice would put our mice to sleep. Without the countervailing stimulus of nicotine I couldn't keep awake. Which is just as well - the body needs rest after all.

And what kind of squeaky little critter does John McCain remind me of? Don't ask...I'm having one of my turns.

Thanks to Hardcore Shutterbug for his picture "Mickey's Hooked"

mouse election

Communication Strategies

I was amused (some months ago) to see this little innovation at the Pelton Arms in Greenwich. It's a little leaflet that you place on your beer glass to stop the bar staff sweeping it up whilst you're outside having a cigarette.

I wish I had something similar myself the other day - not for a cigarette of course but to use the loo. Good bar staff don't snatch away seemingly unattended glasses the first time they see them - but this pub was the Market Porter and standards aren't the best. They have one concern which is to serve quickly and take your money - and they do serve quickly. When your change is back in your hand that's it - the deal's over and that's that. Don't trouble them with talk of short pints or anything else. They neither know about it nor care. Or rather it seems that way nowadays. Anyway - I didn't dare leave it at the bar without some little note. A smoker might have been better prepared these days. Having been amused by the hipster pda in the past perhaps it is time to carry around some more index cards. Write your note "Having a quick ciggie" then place it on top of the glass. No need to mention toilets at all. Another unintended plus to the smoking ban. (If you have a soft spot for low tech alternatives have a look at the DIYPlanner site - its a hymn of praise to pens and paper).

Which leads seamlessly to...I accompanied R into town to see her doctor the other day. She forgot her mobile so we when we decided to go to two different places and meet up at an unspecified time we had to dig out some old skills. "When will you be finished R?" I asked "I don't know Erik. Where will you be?" she asked "I haven't got a clue R". With two functioning mobiles such utter vagueness presents no problem. Without them you need to work out a PLAN. Plans are not too difficult if you both speak reasonable English. They are free and you are not tied into any contract. They are about the same length as a text message. "When I come out I will look in all the cafes in Lower Marsh""OK I will be in one of the cafes in Lower Marsh when you come out". It kind of worked but there must have been a bit of interference on the line as I saw R lurch past the cafe's window without looking in and I had to chase after her. Our second "plan" was "I'll do Starbucks you do Sainsbury's and we'll meet at the pie shop". It didn't take me long before I got to the pie shop with our coffees. R was immersed in a "Woman in Shop Situation". So this was how it was before mobiles I thought as I stood there waiting. It was all based on waiting: waiting in cafes, waiting in pubs, waiting beneath clocks,waiting...waiting..waiting. Except, one difference, I would be able to break up the wait with a cigarette in those far off days. It was the perfect consumable for some one who was waiting. It was quick, it was easy to handle, it was stimulating, it was relatively cheap. Luckily I had my latte to sip on but coffee has its limits. I could hardly distract myself with a steak and onion pie every time I had to wait for someone - the weighing scales are suffering enough as it is. Could the drive against smoking have been so dominant if the mobile phone hadn't become so available?

thanks to onkel_wart for the waiting picture linked to above

smoking Market Porter mobile phones 43Folders DIY Planner

Door of Perception

The Devils Door
Originally uploaded by St0rmz

The work on the bathroom continued yesterday and I was set to clean the old glass door before R put it back in place.

It is a flowery glass panel door. The former owners, or at least one of them, smoked and the fine veins of the leaves were embedded with tar. I couldn't help think of the same material still hanging around in my lungs despite a gap of more than two years. A lot of heavy scrubbing was required and eventually most of it shifted.

Most of the tobacco was on the inside bathroom side of the door. It was very late in my smoking career before I started smoking in the bath. It is an extraordinarily tricky procedure - avoiding the water is easy enough it is avoiding wetness as a whole that is the difficult bit. But it diid have its rewards. Locked away in warm foamy tub puffing on a roll-up felt wonderfully relaxing.

Well the former owners know what I'm on about even if no one else does.

When the going gets tufty....

If it's not one thing it's another.

About this time last year we were tackling swifts in the loft, feral mice hanging around in gangs in room corners and slugs dripping off the ceiling.

I was called off of our sofa by an anxious R the other night. There were footsteps in the loft – were the builders we are in dispute with planning a surprise attack on us or stealing our roof as a part payment? It was a possibility but only briefly – the sound and speed of the footsteps would have meant they had hired an impossibly manic dwarf assasin with clawed toes.

It was a creature of some sort however and neither R or I wanted to go up and have a look to find out what it was. “I'll go up there tomorrow” I promised.

By the time I got up R had already called out a pest control company. The man came quickly and just as quickly concluded it was a squirrel. This was a relief – at least it wasn't a rat or a Japanese loft dwelling demon.

Some rather large traps were laid.

“I kill 95% of reported squirrels” he said.

He said he will return in a week to remove the body.

So far it appears the squirrel belongs to the 5% Club. He was still re-arranging the furniture, or whatever they do, the other night. (R is worried that it's vandalising a watercolour of a parrot that she has up there - the philistines!!!).

I listen out for his scratchy little sprints across the roof wondering when a mad dash will be terminated with a nasty snapping sound.

UPDATE: Saturday has come again and guess what? No corpse...no trace of squirrel activities...not a single monkey nut consumed. The man will come next week but this one is deinitely looking like a five-percenter. Or it is a ghost demon after all.

This scenario isn't unknown to this blog - remember this from a post a year back?

(The image link above is to an image from the film "the Grudge" if you care about such things).

grudge horror squirrel pest

Greenwich Beer and Jazz festival 2008

This was the first one in Greenwich - and it was somehow related to Catford's demise because of greedy landlords at their old venue. It was in the grounds of the Naval College.

Was it any good?

Well. I went on a Sunday. There was practically no beer. It was expensive and the charging seemed to take no account of the usual depletion of stocks that always happens at the last day of beer festivals.

It had one of those signs that really really really annoy me. It went something like this "Due to the immense popularity of this event the selection of beers is greatly reduced" and then something like "so don't complain - just count yourself lucky we let you in". Total rubbish - "the reason it's so bad is because it is so good". " We haven't let you down you have let yourself down by bothering to come here". "Don't blame us for your stupidity". Tossers.

You couldn't see the river despite being located right up close to it. Nuts.

The Jazz? Well I can take it or leave it. That's if the million and one jobsworth security guards would let me take or leave anything without first getting their permission.

Al fresco joy - they did get that right (on the Sunday at least). But open air is not my preferred way of doing beer.

A complete lack of pillocks in jangly hats and people wearing anti-EU T-shirts. Hardly any beards longer than mine. I consider these to be bad signs.

I know a big concern might be keeping out some of the baseball-hat wearing brigade but the net effect was far too twee and smart-arsed. Looking at this extended Dejeuner Sur L'herbe I felt a quick machine-gunning wouldn't have gone amiss. And didn't Catford always manage to deal with the anti-socials without using looney high prices and batallions of block head security guards? And without turning it into Brideshead Revisited?

The beer seemed more expensive but there have been tax changes so I'll let the government get the blame for that one. But you can't pin the over-priced hot-dogs on Mr Brown or the soft drinks.

The location and weather were lovely (despite the stage blocking out the river) and some of the people serving were amusing - some because they were drunk or incompetent but others because they were pleasant people. The company I was with was very nice too but they certainly weren't provided by TGBJF.

Up to now I had considered a visit to a Twickenham Festival years back to have been the worst I had attended. It was the last hour or so and there was a not very interesting bit of mild on offer and that was that. I still enjoyed my pint. It cost about 50p and there wasn't any charge for coming in to the event itself. And the people were a laugh and it wasn't a police state and I always remember it warmly when I recall it with friends who were there.

Did the Jangly hat people know it was one to avoid? Did they sense it in their bones?

It does seem hard to think I won't go to this in future - after all we were so excited there was going to be one so near. Maybe things will evolve -maybe it will get better or maybe it will change its name to a "Hoegaarden and Sol Festival" and we can all forget about it.

Verdict - completely misconceived , exploitative rubbish peopled with the worst kind of Greenwich poseurs, a dreary soundtrack but a nice location.

Catford whereforth art thou?

greenwich beer festival camra london