The Quarterly Review.

It has now been three months without a cigarette so I'll have a little review of my progress since April.

Most, but not all, of the things in the hamper have been consumed. R only recently made a move on the Balm Mint footscrub. She also did an excellent job of the coconuts using her power drill to extract the milk.

I think there might be some monkey nuts left but my mind has turned to different types of snacks. Chocolate snacks to be exact.

My comedy beer belly has expanded exponentially. The other week I pulled on my corduroys, as I got dressed for work. I had forgotten that the night before the button had come off it and I didn't have time to sew it back on so I reached for another pair. They didn't fit. I then got another - again they had mysteriously shrunk. Four pairs later and I was going to have to miss work because I had no trousers.

" Sorry L I can't make it in today - no trousers" wasn't a phone call I wanted to make.

Luckily I saw some green commando type things with a stretchy waistband that looked ridiculous but at least covered most of my lower limbs. Panic over.

Other things? The patches had an unsettling effect on my skin which lasted for a bit beyond their use but its all ok now.

Fitness levels are probably a little bit better but carrying around my tummy is a bit tiring.

Money. Slightly better off at the moment but that will change when I visit the dentist next week. I can feel the caramel syrup corroding my molars as I write.

Mental Health. You what? Who you looking at?

Odours. These are no longer masked by the sweet smell of tobacco.

Time saved? I'm not sure here. I guess my employer has benefited handsomely. You do have to give up a lot of time if you're a smoker to ensure you get your fix. On the reverse side a cigarette is a great way of filling up dead time and staving off boredom and depression.

Net effect. Positive but not life transforming.