Saturday, November 24, 2007

Crimes and Misdemeanours

I've been feeling tired all week. I was woken in the night by Mr Scuttles who has taken over from John and Wayne apparently (did I tell you that Wayne was found looking uncomfortably dead in a trap in the bathroom?) Mr Scuttles was making a fair bit of noise - it sounded like he was trying on my hiking boots at one point.I made a mental note to kill him then went back to sleep. In fact my sleep has been relatively undisturbed but I still feel in need of more.

Is it the stresses and strains of the jury service I have just completed? I'm pretty sure I am not supposed to mouth off about the details but we found him guilty and the whole thing was pretty lame. There was a brutal murder closely connected to it but it was itself a mini-saga about the possession of controlled medecines. It was a bit unsavoury but I certainly didn't lose any sleep over it - it made me laugh a bit and it made me feel sad a bit but it was hardly the The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Perhaps it's the troubles faced by Civil Servants this week? I am a bit annoyed that all read/write access to DVD drives and support for flash drives has been removed at work. Getting rid of the ability to copy to them makes sense of sorts - in fact you needed special permissions to write to CD/DVD before the debacle as far as I could work out. But not being able to read from them seems beside the point. We are all going around self-satisfied that it would never happen in our own particular corner of the world and have definitely not felt the need to pull duvets over our heads either metaphorically or actually.

Was it the dismal awfulness of the England versus Croatia game? Did that take it out of me? When I heard Israel beat Russia, coming back from my Irish friend Mariadphod's Birthday drink, I leapt up in the train , spun round and shouted the result down the carriage and one hundred Nigerians,Poles,Lithuanians,Indians, and Finns looked back at me blanky. Two sweet old ladies from Ghana asked me what I was excited about but I am not sure they understood. The Italian and Australian to my right at least knew there was a game a called football but were much more interested in Rugby. After this realisation that no one in England really cared about what happened to England's football team the defeat was a lot easier to take.

Perhaps its all due to not enough cigarettes all round.

Mr Scuttles certainly would not want to be poking around my smoke-ridden bedroom risking passively contracted mouse cancers.

If I had been desperate for a cigarette during our deliberations the jury would have moved along a bit quicker.

I would be getting regular breaks from my computer for fag breaks.

I could have enjoyed a quiet smoke instead of annoying all my fellow passengers.

I bet more members of the Croatia squad smoked than their English opponents.

And I am missing out on the enlivening effects of the plant itself - I now have to rely on the narrow gauge of caffeine that irritates more than it soothes.

A ghastly image of Fag Free Britain arises before my eyes - knackered and stressed and generally useless at everything.

Thanks to BlackScarletLove for the photo

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